Freeze! Put your hands up. Now blog!
August 27th, 2009
Why don’t I blog more? It’s not just about time. It’s not because I don’t have ideas to write about.
It’s because I’m afraid that I must be completely honest and authentic. If I write anything about myself, it must be whatever I am most insecure about. As though anything less would be dishonest to the vulnerabilities I am feeling at press time.
Sometimes I feel frozen at gunpoint. (A gun made of my index finger, with thumb in the air.)
I mentioned this to Juju, her response already forming in my mind. She’ll probably tell me that it’s my blog, and I can write about anything, it doesn’t have to be SPECIFICALLY my insecurities. Nope. Not what she said.
“What if that’s exactly what the people reading your blog need to hear?”
She likes to kick me in the pants. I remind myself that my strengths as an actor were always in sharing my vulnerabilities. So what am I feeling so gosh-darned vulnerable about?
Hum…. When I stop. Turn around. And look the gunman in the eye… he just laughs and tells me I’m not doing so bad. He’s a real kidder.
The worst of it: I’m still searching for meaningful employment.
Mais, voyons! That doesn’t make me exceptional. Lots of people are still looking for “that thing you were put on this planet to do.”
I think I’ve found it. Work that isn’t work. That makes me want to leap out of bed. That makes me lose track of time, and giggle with how fortunate one would be to get paid to do that. I’m waiting to find out if we’re a match for each other. This job and I, that is.
Sallie was kind enough to write and ask how my goals were progressing. And with the exception of the ongoing job search, I’m not doing so badly.
My studio is set up. For the first time in a long time, I feel I have a home. My books, my gear, my old journals are all within reach.
I am collaborating on an album with an old friend. The project is coming along incredibly well, (and quickly!) We’ve been writing and recordings here, @Las Studio (the nickname for my little home studio – on Atlas Ave). I’ll have more to talk about this soon.
It’s been a crazy summer, meeting the very large family of my lady friend. So many August birthdays. I’m learning to party like I’m Portueguese.
This weekend we’re going to the Virgin Music Fest. I’m very excited to see Nine Inch Nails, as well as my old friend Warren Spicer from Plants and Animals. And I won’t turn down the chance to catch Sloan, Grizzly Bear, Franz Ferdinand and Our Lady Peace.
Oh! And it was my birthday! Ridiculous. Every day that passes, I’m one day wiser, and one day closer… to you coming over for a bbq. Seriously. Come on over.
Photo by Arenamontanus
Posted in Ponderings | Comments (7)
August 27th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
“my old friend Warren Spicer”…seriously? from Concordia?
I’ve been listening to that album obsessively for the last couple of weeks. Absolutely loving it at the moment.
August 27th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I definitely need to pick up the reins of my blog/podcast, and actually do it. My issue is, because I don’t know everything there is to know about audio, I don’t feel that I’m good enough to have a podcast where I could teach other people audio-related things. But I know I could.
Also, I feel I can only podcast alone, so I’ll have to wait until Krista goes back to school before a new episode.
August 27th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Yeah! Warren Spicer (of Plants and Animals) was my recording prof at Concordia. I should dig up an old steppingintorivers.com post in which I talk about a bbq at his home/studio. And I quoted his response to hearing Go.Burn.In.Love. (Rummage, rummage, rummage…)
So there.
Jordan, I totally hear you. And it’s the same kind of inner voice (demon) that stops me from thinking I’m an expert at anything. Don’t listen! You totally have skills that other people would be interested in hearing. Wisdom that people would learn from. I encourage you! More Robot Cousin!
August 27th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Sorry… My brain keeps circling back to your studio being on Atlas Avenue. Read the book, Joel.
August 28th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Happy day to you sir!!! RIDICULOUS!
August 28th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Hello Ange! Thanks for popping by. I had to go back and re-read what I wrote to remember what was so ridiculous. Oh yes! I got older.
I just checked my site stats for the month… the month i didn’t blog anything… and my numbers TRIPLED on my birthday. I suppose people were checking in on me. Lesson learned: BLOG the day before your birthday!
Jess, um… I suck.
Have I told you that both of my siblings have read the copy I bought? But I have yet to? Shame. I’m so glad you have patience for me.
August 28th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I’m happy to give you the odd kick in the pants..lovingly of course:)
Joel, reading this made me smile. I felt like I was reading one of your old emails. Hi:)……You don’t need me to kick you in the pants…you are well on your way to that THING:P
I feel privileged to be nearby listening to the magical sounds that fill the house. Keep being amazing at what you Love and everything else will fall into place.
Promise.
Happy Month of August Birthday!..haha..you have one weekend left:P But YOU are definitely deserving!
Psst…your studio looks sexy!