Facebook and Death: The Sequel
February 9th, 2010Is Your Facebook Persona Real?
Is it really you?
Years ago, I wrote an article, “What Happens to your Facebook When You Die?” This article continues to be the most popular thing on my blog. Google sends me lots of people who are wondering this question. Back in November 2009, Nael Shiab, a student journalist at l’Université du Québec à Montréal wrote to me and asked me if I would answer a few follow up questions for an article that he was writing about Social Networks and death.
Here is a link to the article, On ne poke pas les morts (warning, it’s in French.) I wrote a lot more than the bytes that appear in the finished piece. And I thought I might as well share them here.
NS: Now that we have friends all around the world and electronic messages are often the only one way for us to communicate with. Should we think about an “electronic will” with all our passwords, email accounts, and profiles?
I think it’s a good idea to leave this information with a loved one. But the importance of it depends on the type of person and how they use these services.
Some people use Facebook just as a means of keeping in touch with old friends, or sharing photos of your goobery baby. For this kind of person, I don’t think it’s so crucial that their password is left in a will.
There are other people, such as myself (although less lately) who use Facebook as a kind of public diary. Their participation in posting status updates, pictures, links, etc is a part of how they keep track of what has happened in their day, what they learned, a funny thing that happened.
This is very similar to blogging, but A LOT easier, AND you are guaranteed a much larger audience than if you are starting a new blog.
For this type of person, I definitely think it’s important to leave instructions and passwords in a will. Why? because that is the fastest, easiest, and in some instances only way, to get in touch with all of the people that person is connected to online. Through their email, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter. If this is the modern address book, then this is the best way for a family to contact a persons community to notify in case of death.
Imagine someone is an active member of an anonymous online forum community. The relationships they have online can be real and meaningful. And if they pass away, how will word get out to the online community that he died, and did not just stop visiting the site?
Maybe to some people, these online relationships are less meaningful, and therefore do not deserve/require the same kind of grieving and respect to be paid in the sad event of a death. BUT, for the kind of person who spends a lot of their lives online, especially a large percentage of their social life online, CERTAINLY these people and connections are important.
NS: Is our virtual life a part of real life?
Most certainly. And if you don’t think so, maybe you need to watch the Matrix a second time. (Spoiler alert: there is no spoon.) As narcissistic as it sounds, the chronic facebooker I described above is defining themselves and their existence by posting status updates. Is it real? Absolutely. Is it the same thing as talking to real people? Not at all. And there is a danger of getting fb obsessed and mistaking fb for genuine human contact. A facebook poke is not the same thing as a hug. And we all need a hug once in a while.
How you choose to perceive yourself affects how other people will perceive you.
And for the Facebook obsessed, there is the fear that if you stop updating you cease to exist. Poof. You become invisible, and people will forget you’re alive.
NS: Some websites, such as Facebook, transform the page of people who have passed away into a “memorial page” where friends can left a message. Is this a new way to cope with bereavement? Is it as strong as the old way, which didn’t use the Internet?
I can’t really make the comparison between the “new way” and “old way” to grieve the death of a friend. I only know of one friend who has passed away that I was connected to on Facebook. But I can say that her page is a place where people visit to deal with their grief. This friend passed in 2007, but even as recently as today, yesterday last week, friends visit her Facebook page and write on her wall.
I think it’s therapeutic and healing for people to be able to remember a loved one by sharing a message, and sharing it in a place where other friends of hers can see it and smile, and share in the memories. Yes. I think it’s a good thing.
As I think back over all of this, one of the most interesting points is how many people have (and continue to) migrate symbolic importance of their existence into a virtual realm. Sounds sci-fi, but it’s reality.
Posted in Ponderings | Comments (3)
February 10th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
On a very related note – when writing your will (and to be honest it’s something we all should consider doing) it’s extremely important that you leave your passwords and other electronic information into the hands of someone you would want to have it – otherwise, it will become the property of a faceless corporation and your family/friends will never have access to it. I suppose this has less to do with posting on someone’s facebook site after they’ve passed on, and more to do with emails or other stored information. Due to the rapid technological evolution that we are all a part of, hand written information is falling by the wayside and often after a person departs all that may be left of their musings are bits and bytes of electronic information. Sad to know that could all be erased or not given over to family/friends afterwards. There was a massive trial involving a fallen American soldier’s family and Yahoo! recently where the parents requested their son’s password after he died in Iraq, in order to help their own healing process, but also to remember their son by. At the end, Yahoo! refused to turn over the passwords due to their stringent privacy laws and the account was deleted after 90 days of un-use. I for one have crafted some of my best prose in emails and would hate to think it would simply be deleted should the inevitable happen sooner than I expect. The message here being, its important (if you want your electronic info to be saved) to will it, and your passwords to someone surviving you.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Many very good points, Brandon. And it also makes me think I’d be wise to back up my Gmail regularly. There are lots of emails in there, (especially from the last year) that I don’t want to lose. My entire travel diary from New Zealand was captured in emails to Julie. I’d hate for something to happen, and like you said: faceless corporations = you never know.
Going to look into backing up Gmail right now.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I think there should be a waiting period before anyone decides to post something about a persons death. Case in point. A soldier died in a vehicle accident about 6 months ago. Her mother found out on facebook before she was notified by the Army. I think it is in appropriate for people to write RIP john smith just a few days after their death. I wouldn’t want my friends or maybe a cousin finding out about my death on facebook. Now remembering someone is just fine, If the appropriate time has been given.